Wednesday, June 30, 2010

deadliest warrior: kgb vs. cia

i know dealiest warrior is a silly show, but i watch it. then again, i believe my taste in television shows has already been proven to be questionable, so moving along... oh and spoilers if anyone cares. haha
the kbg had a submachine gun, an exploding message tube (open correctly: message, open incorrectly: bomb), a shoe knife, and a working camera that had a very small one bullet gun inside it (which did prove effective at close range). the cia had a better submachine gun, an exploding cigar, a briefcase with a pistol strapped inside it, and a garrote. in matchups the cia won the submachine gun and concealed pistol tests while the kgb won the exploding item and non-gun tests. although the garrote tested was made of piano wire with wooden handles, the cia demonstrator referred to a "cloth garrote". he even showed us one. a lot of us would call that a "scarf".

i just read some guy's little write up of how he fantasized the battle portion of the show would go. at the end, he smugly offered to "take the writing job" of coming up with scenarios. all i could think is maybe he should learn the difference between the secret service and the cia before he patted himself on the back much more. also, he should watch the show. they never add in a bunch of extra people. modern warriors are always teams of five. so, it will be a ten person scenario, period. we can assume anyone else that may be around (in theory) heard the excessive gunfire and decided to hide.

granted, the scenario they came up with was illogical as the goal seemed to be a roll of film. if the cia was only wanting a roll of film they'd go about the whole thing in a different manner anyway. such as having the person drop off the film somewhere other than his own freaking kgb-protected office, but it's a television show about fighting. this was wildly creative for them because i really expected the cia and kgb and be randomly fighting in an open field for no particular reason at all even though IRL that makes no sense.
the people representing the kgb during the testing phase were eager to let everyone know they were unconcerned about "collateral damage" and that, unlike the cia, they didn't have to worry about oversight (called "running to daddy every five minutes"). which, damn... things get out of hand plenty enough as it is. also, due to the national security act of 1947, which formed the cia, the cia doesn't get that much oversight. but, these guys weren't real kgb. so, they were just taking a guess.

i did go so far as to look up "collateral damage" because i thought causing it did not really help you achieve whatever mission you were after. but, definitions differ. it can be considered damage related to your mission, but not essential to completing the mission. but, either way, i think i prefer if people sincerely try to avoid it if at all possible.
the show also wanted to talk about training. a little was said about kgb training which was mostly that the spetsnaz trained them in martial arts and pain resistance. the cia says they train on the farm with the u.s. military and everything else is classified. i sort of wonder about both of those. i wonder if everyone receives some overall training and then different people get more intensive training on whatever their exact job will be. i also wonder how long all of this takes. do they get trained for a while and then go out and do a few things and then get trained some more based on how they did with those things? i guess the world will never know because the kgb doesn't even exist any more and that cannot possibly be all of their training.

did i mention that the cia won? well, they did. they won 550 out of 1,000 simulated battles.

my favorite part of the whole show, i have to say, was the briefcase gun. especially in light of the fact that you apparently just make one for yourself whenever you believe you might need one. you would think, logically, this would be an item that couldn't be aimed effectively, but based on the demonstration, it can be aimed very precisely. practice makes perfect?


Ricky Sprague said...

I would watch "The Deadliest Warrior" more often if it weren't for that annoying "computer whiz." I really, really can't stand that guy.

They're also too vague on how they run the simulations. I understand there's some proprietary interest involved, but we the viewers have no real way of knowing what the computer does to arrive at its conclusions. It gives the show a shady feel.

I watched several episodes the first season (I think it's a fun idea for a show), but I just can't watch anymore with that guy. Ugh.

shampoo said...

omg, that guy annoys me as well. i've read several people saying he should never be allowed to speak.

i found a blog about computer-y stuff where a guy went into the program and what it was developed for... basically what he was saying was that unless they changed it a lot it really cannot do what they say it can.

also, i am suspicious about the data they load in... such as with the kgb vs. cia... they had the cia agent being 10 pounds heavier and an inch taller (no idea why), but they've proven repeatedly size difference doesn't matter in their calculations even when it comes to melee combat between two opponents with a much greater size difference.

also, the producers choose the weapons. hence the green berets show up to "fight" the spetsnaz with a freaking shovel. so yeah, the show is shady. but it's interesting to see the weapons, i think.

Allen the Duck Guy said...

I've seen every epsiode. Logic, reason, and hostory are all completely out the window and if you're watching for that, well... Remember it is on Spike and you should really just relax.
I enjoy the weapons testings, even though they are about as scientific and accurate as a biology class taught by Sarah Palin. I just like to see what all the weapons I use in D&D do IRL. lol.
The fights at the end of the show I believe have nothing to do at all with the simulations or tests. They just get some stunt guys out there to put on a fun show.
As for annoying... The guest testers are often orders of magnitude more annoying than any of the hosts. For proof of this, I offer up the Zande "Num Num" Guys and this weeks Goth "Bitch Bois" for Vlad Tepest. I think both of those episodes would have ended better if the testers had actually been impaled.

shampoo said...

I wish they had a few standard tests they put the weapons through... this wouldn't have to be in the show. they could just report the results. that way, the data for the weapons would be cleaner and, I think, that'd add to the shows. because you could check all the bows tested to se the best performer, for example. or, speaking of bows, what about the num num mini bow how much wimpier than all other bows is it? haha

the scenario at the end bothered me as well until I realized it was just playtime for stunt actors. haha like the kgb/cia girl fight. each side has one female agent and those two do battle. unlikely that it'd work out so neatly irl, but amusing.

Allen the Duck Guy said...

Yeah, the Num Num Bow... I guess it's nerf or nothin' for those guys.

shampoo said...

true. although they did allow the so-called "cotton armor" of the aztec to actually be useful. haha

Allen the Duck Guy said...

Ah yes. The look, the feel, the armor of our lives.