Friday, August 27, 2010

well, i missed it

i didn't see the degrassi finale because i was dealing from the after effects of stress from a visit from my brother. yes, that's my family. they can cause mayhem that easily. partly, because they don't really deal with me as a person. i am a problem my parents inflicted upon them.

everything about me has to be analyzed and judged in the most critical possible way. i can't just have personality traits different than them, but then they are baby boomers. that makes them right in their opinions and their opinions are the only ones that count. and their opinion is they do not want to deal with me. they want someone else to take care of me. unfortunately, someone else died. (btw, when i say "take care of me" i don't necessarily mean that literally... just deal with me in whatever way is needed which might be just talking to me now and then.)

anyway, i am pretty upset and this wasn't even a bad visit by my family's standards. they don't feel welcome here (trust, this is b.s., that would NOT stop them). well, every time they come here they yell and lecture and judge and criticize. why the fuck would i want them here. and they tell me over and over IT'S OUR HOUSE TOO!!!! like i don't know that. like that's not rude as fuck to barge into someone's house and scream at them because they put something in the kitchen closet that maybe could also be put in the bathroom closet.

now, because i don't want to throw away everything i own (because everything i own is stupid or crappy or what have you) then i'm a HOARDER. i fucking goddamned hate tlc and all asshole reality shows that have given my siblings more shit to bitch at me about. (btw, no, my house does not look like the hoarders' houses. but one sister is a neat freak and the others have relatives who clean their houses. so, they don't need to see that much clutter.)

my brother was piously talking about when he was young and owned no more than he could wear or carry. yeah, p.s. that was four fucking decades ago. and not even true. i guess he forgets i lived in my parents' house then (he didn't) and i know he still had stuff in his room. i doubt he thinks i can remember back that far because they know i have memory loss for part of my childhood. or they should know. but, it's later... and it's not as severe as it used to be.

they get together and decide how i am and that is how i am, no matter what i do or say or have done. and i know i act worse around them because i tend to respond too much to things i shouldn't. sometimes i do all right, but they know how to push my buttons. which i hate that and it makes me very upset with myself. i guess the memory loss hasn't helped me because for a long time, i did have to take their word for some things. now that i'm getting it back... it's not that they told me the wrong thing just they told me whatever was easiest at the moment to get their point across.

anyway, i think i have some kind of panic disorder or some shit since i like to have passed out after my brother superiored off to be awesome somewhere. i didn't really have any anti-anxiety medicine (which i probably should have such a thing, honestly). so, long story short... i missed my show because i was asleep. i woke up briefly to find that moron sav dressed as elvis and that didn't keep me awake.

here is a fucking photo of the last moments of the show:
all i know is no one died, but eli apparently pissed himself. i guess i can live without seeing that.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

maybe she's sailor earth? (now with salt)

only two more days of the comedy that is degrassi and i think the big finale will have to do with adam. oh who is adam? p.s. i've added to the end of the post, original theme restored!

oh, btw, this is jordan todosey. an actress.

well, let's see if we can pick adam out of this photo:
yes, he's the girl with short hair... oh wait, the girl with short hair who is also wearing a cap
o.k., i'll help you: adam, bianca, eli, and in front that's drew adam's brother
disbelief suspended?

thank god he goes to school in canada, eh?

you know, this reminds me of another foreign tv show! sailor moon!

sailor venus is my favorite!

but, this show doesn't really remind me of minako-sama. no one even has a cat, much less TWO cats in a basket. it does remind me of another couple of senshi:

sailor uranus and sailor neptune.

haruka (aka sailor uranus) also employed layering to cleverly disguise herself as a boy

more suspension of disbelief, these two have a "forbidden romance". HOW can anyone care? LOOK AT THEM! are these the two most boring characters in the history of tv? holly j (oh, she's on the left) and sav (the other one). i am SICK of "FORBIDDEN ROMANCES" with sav! this is TWO for him! he sucks.

anyway, here's a quick update of this weirdass season..

adam thinks she is a boy. "between the ears, i'm just like other guys" now, how the fuck would she know that? but, anyway, she's the world's girliest female to male transgender and doesn't even look that boyish compared to her girly ass bff eli. her character's real name is gracie and she randomly went to school for a day as gracie and started burning herself with a hair barette. no, the idea of a happy medium doesn't exist it's either dresses or "i'm a boy" there is no in between. yes, the school goes along with this fuckery.

eli, emo dramaqueen, dramatically tells claire (who he likes, eh, it's ridiculous) he KILLED his girlfriend. good thing he didn't tell someone like shampoo that or he'd be dead. but, claire just gapes at him and he explains that he'd argued with his girlfriend and she rode off on her bike crying and was later hit by a car and killed. hell, maybe that is his fault. he drives a hearse and wears rings. oooh.

claire is going to go out with the enemy of her friends probably being tired of dating other girls when she's not even a lesbian.

they've been working on something with bianca and adam all season so i guess they'll make out and that will explain why she's so desperate to hook up with drew. who knows. they only have her around when they need someone really bitchy. and tough. cuz she's a dancer! i'm not kidding.

fiona has taken to going to degrassi and pursuing a lawsuit against her first real boyfriend (who isn't related to her). holly j is her best friend because holly j is declan's girlfriend. only holly j decided she needed a break and took that break with sav. declan will never find out will he (please let him)? he's only her best friend's brother who is rich and regularly flies places to surprise people. declan and fiona are actually americans (ah ha!), so he probably is one of the few preppies who also carries an uzi (please). basically, SAV MUST DIE. or adam must turn out to be sailor earth. whichever. or both.

tonight and tomorrow and then we'll see who gets shot or stabbed or what have you this season! (yes, that is how they like to end their seasons, they are not right in the head.)

i know i departed from my previous theme, but... oh, wait a minute, fun times.. here we go, here's...
angie jo is a man, baby! (she's dressed as some sort of "naval officer", thank god it's not our navy)

what's she thinking about?

this? (scary)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

hell girl, it's time for revenge!

i saw part of this strange anime on ifc. it's a series called "hell girl" and, from what i can get out it it, somehow you summon up this schoolgirl with red eyes when you have a real gripe against someone. so, she presents you with a crude black doll that has a red string around its neck. if you remove the string, she will go to the person and escort their soul to HELL. however, the price of this rather awesome revenge is you will be joining them in the misery of hell when YOU die.

in this particular episode, one girl has bitchily stolen a photo from another girl and spread it around thus getting the girl in the photo into a lot of trouble. p.s., they are in middle school. the girl with the photo wasn't even sure who had stolen the photo (i got the idea she suspected one person, but it turned out to be someone different).

anyway, the picture stealer arrives at school at night to meet the girl in the photo (no idea why) and encounters a lot of very freaky things. finally, she meets the now kimono-clad hell girl. they tell the photo stealer that she's a terrible person who goes around making other people's lives miserable. she hotly denies everything. but, no matter, the room itself was witness to her misdeeds and hell girl can talk to rooms and suchlike.

long story short, hell girl is paddling across a river with the photo thief staring up at her. and, they're on their way to hell itself. at which point i took a short nap and woke up for the credits. from them, i discerned that the premise of the show was aggrieved party contacts hell girl and she rolls up and takes someone to hell in the promise of getting another soul later. (in other words, pretty much what happened above.)

so, i wonder.. what if the accuser is the bad person and the accused is innocent? what if neither one are really bad people? how many people are going to be taken to hell by hell girl if it's this easy? i mean, teenagers alone would send practically everyone they knew to hell! all right, i'm taking this too seriously. but, it seemed awesome until i started wondering how many days of this it would take before EVERYONE was in hell.

i don't know that hell in japanese lore is exactly what i think of as hell, but from hell girl's description... it's not the greatest place. you are miserable and lonely and stuff pretty well sucks. which sounds pretty well like the way you felt when you possibly summoned hell girl. so, let's see, you're trading some years of misery for ETERNITY of misery? is there a lesser option? because, for most things, that sounds a little bit like a bad deal to me.

Friday, August 13, 2010

"they owe me, gus!"

the right stuff is currently on tv. gus grissom has just faced the consequences of splash landing sans capsule. his wife, betty, is upset that instead of a ticker tape parade and meeting with president and mrs. kennedy, they had a small ceremony at an air force base. she tells gus, that the military, nasa, the country (i forget who all she mentioned, but some combination of the above) OWE her for all the time he's been off doing dangerous stuff in service to the country. obviously, i have no idea what betty grissom may or may not have said to her husband, but since astronauting did eventually kill him... her feelings would have been understandable.

there seemed to be this idea, at one time, that women could find fulfillment via their husbands and families. if women were good wives and mothers, then they would be repaid by the successes of their husbands and children. i'm not saying this is wrong, per se. i am sure even now many women feel this way and i don't see anything wrong with that.

however, i do know that we have a little bit of a problem with a lot of people... it's not possible, for practical reasons, for women to always do this (even if they want to). also, some women do not WANT to do this anyway. they have their own goals which they wish to pursue that go beyond the household. i don't have any problem with that idea either.

what i do see as sort of a problem is now we have TWO people feeling "owed" if things do not go the way they expected. and, honestly, a lot of the time it won't. i don't mean that it's necessarily a problem that can be fixed by one person just giving up their desires. when you see people overcome it, it's because they decide their relationship with one another is more important than these feelings. however, a lot of self-help type of books will say either someone (it varies which one... not just by gender, but also by the feelings of owed-ness) must simply feel different. which sounds confusing to me.

as time goes on, it seems more and more is expected of people with less chance of personal reward. they're supposed to be "rewarded" by a feeling of doing a good job or whatever else. which is fine until you consider what the workplace is like... maybe everyone would be happier if it was just admitted that sometimes most people like to have much made of them. sometimes, by someone. i'm not talking about "oh, we're all WINNERS!" but, a way to be honest with the people in your life.

of course, i say this and i have total hang ups about all of this stuff. probably why i noticed it!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

brownies & bluebirds

when i was in second grade, a lot of us girls joined the brownies. i suppose most of my friends and most of their friends were members. we had been given quite a pep talk about it by someone... not someone i knew and not the woman who was our leader. she made it sound AWESOME. i remember there were dues and i think we paid them early in the process (or rather our parents paid them).

i remember going with my mother to a very old-fashioned counter in some local department store to buy the things i needed to BE a brownie. this included a complete uniform. i was so excited. the uniforms were an ugly brown, but it didn't matter. this was the first time ever that i was to be in a club and, according to the booklet i received, a number of fun things were in store.

i don't know how many meetings we went to... i only remember one. for some reason, it was at city hall. city hall had a few rooms used for various meetings, but it was very unusual for a group of second grade girls to go there for a meeting. i do believe we had at least one meeting previous to this that was in a classroom right after school.

we were all dressed in our little uniforms and they'd told us we might earn our first badge. i don't remember who led our brownie troop. i do know she was not one of our teachers. she was a new person to us. i don't know if she was in our first meeting, but i know this was not the first time we saw her. something about her... i think she was the reason for everything that happened next...

as soon as we all got into city hall and were assembled in the room, it was announced that a few girls (they were specifically named) would go into another room and do some sort of special project. i think some girls were left in the room we started in and i went with a group in an adjoining room. i feel like most of us girls did the same project. the few selected girls... i do not know what they did. we all were very curious about it, but they were taken to another part of the building and doors were closed between us and them (whereas the doors between the two larger groups were open).

we were told to sit in a circle. i was with two of my best friends and another couple of girls i felt were good friends. one or two of my special friends were in the other large group. although i should have known the girls in the small, selected group (there weren't THAT many of us, after all) i have the impression at least some of them seemed unfamiliar to me.

there were a couple of ladies who assisted the brownie leader. i don't remember when our leader left us, but she wasn't around much for that meeting. our chance to earn a badge was for sewing. i'd tried to learn to sew with my mother before, but i was totally unprepared for what they actually gave us.

it was a bird, the far from simple pattern was outlined in blue. we were given some light blue thread (i'm not sure if it was even embrodiery floss, but if it was it was very thin). with no explanation, we were to do this rather advanced project within an hour or so. not knowing any better, we tried. i managed to attach mine to my dress. (btw, there are certain stitches in embroidery.. i do recall someone talking about this, but i'm not sure if anyone was actually able to use this information).

finally, we were given a cookie and some very thin lemonade and released to our parents. well, most of us. i don't remember seeing the selected girls.

and not long after that, most of us abruptly quit brownies. or rather, our parents took us out of it. most unusually, NONE of us got the crap kids usually get about quitting stuff, wasting money, etc. i know the brownie troop did not really disband. a few girls stayed in although i didn't know that until years later.

i don't know what made our parents pull us all out of the troop. i think it was something to do with our leader. the only other time i ever remember my mother saying even one word about this was about four years later. i had a friend who was a girl scout. i asked my mother if i could join as well. she said no, i'd already been in the girl scouts. she didn't get upset with me, but there was no further discussion after that.

it's possible this is not as mysterious to some of the other girls as it is to me. some of them can still ask their parents what happened. weirdly, i forgot all about everything except having a uniform and sewing the bluebird to my dress by mistake. shortly after i was out of the brownies everything i had gotten for it was gotten rid of by my mother. i don't know if she gave it to someone else or just threw it away. i can't exactly ask her as she passed away only a year or so after i asked her about the girl scouts.

after all these years, i am not sure who i'd ask about this meeting. i remember my friend's mother arriving to take us home. and something there she did not like at all when she saw it, but i am not sure what to make of that. i do believe whatever it was, she called my mother about it. i do still know this lady, but i can't think of how to ask her about this without sounding completely crazy.

i keep thinking there's nothing to it because i can't really remember anything specific. but, it WAS strange. plus, since when do parents throw away money for uniforms, books, and dues without even a complaint? and i'm not talking about just a couple of folks... i'm talking about at least 15 sets of parents. i remained friends with some of these same girls for years and spent time in their houses. never did anyone ever mention the brownies after we all left the troop. not even when they were complaining about "all the money i spend on your clubs". not my parents. not any of my friends' parents. OTHER activities they complained about, but not this one.

i remember us wearing those brownie uniforms to school and we were proud of them. but something was always happening to my dress. i was sewing stuff on it, getting stuff on it. i remember getting something weird and yellow on it when i was outside. i tried to clean it off, but i couldn't. this makes me think there was at least one meeting after the one at city hall. i don't think i ever wore the uniform again after that day.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

guess who's back and now with clothes for sale!

as if the internets were awaiting her return with trepidation, jessi slaughter (that's her "scene" last name) is back online. she went on someone else's account, called everyone "bitches" and announced she had a clothing line coming soon.

the same people who took exception to her previous video efforts have already noticed. youtube noticed as well and pulled the video (it's been reposted by others). jessica's parents are, i suppose, in a stupor somewhere still believing (as her mother told an interviewer) that jessi hasn't made any videos.

i did try to find out what the clothes looked like, but all i could find were t-shirts made by her detractors bearing such sentiments as "you dun goofed" which is a quote from her father. they also seem fond of the "cyberpolice" and i suppose that will live on after this meme dies.

i saw a video by a mother who said she was speaking directly to jessica and pleaded with her to get off the internet and stay off until she was 18 if that's how long it took for her to realize what she was doing was wrong. she said this very nicely, but i'm sure jessica won't listen to her. she'll probably file that under "haterz" even though there was nothing at all hateful about it. one thing i thought was interesting was she explained, "i know you think you're famous, but you're not. you're infamous." unfortunately, when i watched this i had no idea that it would stick in my mind the way it did, so i don't even recall who posted it. :(

then on the other hand, people have told jessica this in every possible way it can be told... some nicely, some rudely and it hasn't sunk in at all. i know she's 11, but i don't remember being QUITE that thick headed when i was 11. i mean the entire fucking internet is telling this girl GET OFF THE INTERNET and she's back in two weeks calling everyone "bitches" or rather "BITCHES!!!!!"

what about the parents? there are probably more videos aimed at them than at jessie. no one is saying, wow you are doing a fabulous job as a parent. no, everyone (even young teens) are asking them WTF are you thinking?! why aren't you paying attention to your daughter? can't you see what she's getting into? don't you realize your horrendous lack of parenting is affecting her badly? why does she have a webcam in her bedroom? are you nuts? why is she hanging out with a myspace band? shouldn't she be at home playing barbies? haven't you seen the photos she's posted?

i have seen a 16 year old honestly tell them to please read a parenting book because they are doing it wrong. and he was being 100% sincere. that would motivate me a little bit, but if it didn't ... good grief, the police, the psychologist, CPS, and GMA would motivate me.

so, once again... the internet steps in to try to parent a kid and there is no telling what will happen now. because quite honestly, the internet is not the softest of nests. it was never meant to be a babysitter.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

basil marceau not a native tennessean

so, everyone is losing their fucking minds over this batshit crazy guy basil marceau who is running for governor of tennessee. now, i happen to be somewhat familiar with tennessee politics and i know... there's a grand tradition of having a wacky candidate or two. THEY take themselves seriously and the media has to mention them, to an extent, but they're in no way serious candidates. i don't know if it's absurdly easy to get on the ballot in tennessee or what, but it's not particularly easy to actually WIN the election. all i can think is having a few crazies around livens up otherwise dull political speechifying. or maybe that's just the price of allowing more people access to the political process. you'll get a few who are.. hm... marceauesque.

i thought at first, having just heard bits and pieces of what he was saying, that he was literally a joke candidate. but, upon closer examination i have noticed a few interesting things. he considers having to obey certain laws such as "traffic stops" to be a form of slavery. i suppose he's basing this on the fact that you can be arrested and taken to jail. then you'll have to get bailed out and you'll having a hearing which, more than likely, will result in punishment. i am not sure what he means by "traffic stops" btw. i really don't care. he will not get elected so it doesn't matter. he will however, run again because this isn't even his first foray into political campaigning.

i read one article where people were carrying on that he was a secessionist. hm, i don't think so since he makes a rather big deal about having been in the united states marine corps. also, he was born in pennsylvania and worked in new jersey before he eventually wound up in tennessee. i think they're basing it on his interest in the freedman's bureau. hello... the FREEDman's (past tense, freedom accomplished) bureau did not exist until 1865. and it most certainly was not run by secessionists because most of them were in deep shit in 1865 and hardly likely to be asked to run an institution of the u.s. government. also in the 1860s secessionists = democrats; runners of reconstruction programs (freedman's bureau et al) = REPUBLICANS. from his webpage, ol' basil seems to be concerned about the freedman's bureau. i don't know if he's aware that it was discontinued in 1872. fortunately, from what i've heard, stephen colbert told him about it, so now he can rest easily instead of wondering if the agents of this organization are qualified.