Thursday, December 3, 2009

my cousin

my father's younger brother died years ago. his wife died several years later. this left my cousin living alone in his parents' house.

this situation is, therfore, quite similar to mine. except he actually OWNED the house because his mother left it to him. so, he didn't have people coming in a day after the funeral announcing, "we're going to sell this house, you know!" and he had just one sibling a few years older than himself instead of three who are much older. and he had a wife. o.k., so his situation was actually much better.

well, the wife wound up leaving him for some reason... probably because people in my family can be a little bit difficult to deal with, but I think she still loved him.

well, anyway, some days went by with her or no one else hearing from him. so, she goes to the house and there's his car. she knocks on the door, but no answer. she probably tried to call and so on, but none of that matters because she wound up having to get the police.

so, the police officer opens the door a crack and tells her to wait outside. he goes in and finds that my cousin had killed himself.

I wish he'd waited just a little longer... his wife was coming back just like he wanted, but even befor I found myself in a similar situation, I could understand why it was hard for him.

this is why I don't understand why people can't be a little nice to me. why they have to say things that would upset ANYONE. this was our cousin. we have been here before.

I miss you, j.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin.
However, your own situation is not worse. Your cousin had no one and the one he loved walked out on him. You have someone who loves you very deeply and that is more than he had.
Of course, you do not seem to want those affections, so who knows.

shampoo said...

I meant his situation was better as far as the house goes. he owned it. I don't own this house... well, I own 1/4th of it.

I don't know that much about his situation with his wife. I only met her one time. that was shortly after they married when my aunt was still alive.

so, I didn't mean anything about relationships. I don't know for certain why she left or came back.

I am not even 100 percent sure why he killed himself. this is not something my family talks about much.

my aunt did not like his wife. I don't know why. my aunt told my sister who currently is pissed off at me that story. I didn't pay too much attention because some of the conversations those two had struck me as kinda bitchy.

not to disrespect my aunt since I heard this through my sister. so she may not have been the one saying mean things and she can't possibly defend herself. but she was in very bad pain toward the end, so who knows.

Anonymous said...

As depressed as you are, you need to remember that you have people in your life that love and care for you as much as your family seems not to. That is a pretty positive thing and you don't acknowledge it enough. When reminded, you usually respond with a "Yeah, but-..." Sometimes someone who isn't related to you loves you more and knows you better. That's why people get married.

shampoo said...

my family has been fucking with my head since I was born. it's really hard, especially now, to keep that into perspective.

what my brother did to me was bad enough, but what my sister did was worse. she starts off by telling me to find someone else to talk to because she's also "yelled at me". then she kept wanting to get off the phone to go FUCKING DUST HER GODDAM HOUSE!! I cannot even believe. she barely would acknowledge that I deserved any respect because "you have to earn it, you can't just get it because you are family."

she prances into a fucking stupid ass baptist church (that i'd like a look at) every fucking sunday, but she wouldn't even be nice to her own sister who she claims to "love". oh know, she has to let me know she can be even more hateful.

my whole fucking life I have had to go toe-to-toe with 3 ADULTS even when I was a little kid. they use a lot of "we" and "you" then try to say they don't look at it this way.

I really appreciate that people care about me, I do. but this stupid bitch was my father's FAVORITE. it makes me so sad. without him around... it's awful.

I don't want to hate my own family. I don't know what to do. it almost seems like she's trying to push me over the edge. I don't get it. I really don't.