stay away from the skank, john, she will kill you

I thought I was done with writing about john mayer...

needing new publicity for her new project, skank took to her twitter to bitch about john mayer. and tell us about her vagina exercises.

she wants to teach him his place via her usual (at first) methods... sex and beatings. ok, john... do not lose sight of the fact that she will eventually kill you and molest your dead body. she'll lay in your blood, wear your clothes, and endlessly bitch about what an asshole you were. she's charming like that.

if you want a beatdown, get kayne to do it (he'll stop hitting you way sooner). if you want sex, drunk dial jessica simpson (she'll take pity eventually). but, none of that with skank.

btw, I predicted (offline) that the skank would do something like this. she's so PREDICTABLE.

happy birthday, chelsea handler!

today is chelsea's bday, so dedicate your vodka drinking to her! if you're just not going to drink any vodka, play pretend with a glass of water.

or alternately, you could try calling a little person a "nugget." but, i'm not sure if they like that name from anyone but chelsea (she has special privileges).

better yet, read chelsea's book. it's pretty funny. :)

I have it and I couldn't help but notice someone had given steven adler a copy on vh1's sober house. that always cracks me up. what a batshit crazy present for a man going to rehab.

of course, chelsea's worst behavior is like a day in church for steven, so I guess it's all relative?

speaking of musicians whose work I don't particularly like, chelsea said she told john mayer (to his face) two years ago to stop with the jokes and just play music. listen to her, john. write it down so you don't forget!

did uber-douche mayer plan the playboy interview?

I have learned that john mayer has publically used racial slurs including THE WORD before. mostly during his so-called comedy routine.

he barges on stage at places like the slipper in nyc (i know nothing about this place) and inflicts it on the audience. his "jokes" are things that are unfunny and ... well, they've been discussed in the past online.

he's gotten a pass because he says so much stupid stuff and is such a freaking douchebag. but, it looks as though ajaye guessed right and mayer IS a total bastard.

perhaps his tears are partly because many black people on the internet are annoyed they have to briefly pay attention to him. at this point, he's going to be doing well to have a "pass" to his own neighborhood.

also, the gays say they are waiting for their apology.

with both offensive words, he upped the ante by adding another element. such as david duke + the word. and "as if I hate" with "f--".

looks like he wanted attention pretty badly. what a weirdo.

a lot of people also feel he should apologize to some of the women he mentioned, particularly jessica simpson.

john should take a page out of tiger woods' book and spend the next 80 days not bothering the general public.

mr. whiney and old frying pan face

that would be john mayer and robert pattinson, respectively. they need to start dating each other immediately because I have read two douchey interviews this week.

I mentioned something about rpattz in my previous post. I had forgotten all about him saying elephants purr and it sounds like a velicoraptor.

yes, he knows what a fucking dinosaur sounds like. that's the kind of brains you can have when you stay away from ICKY GIRLS!

all I can say is the many "twihard" guys (this surely includes many, many gays) PLEASE HIT ON HIM so he will stop dropping these anvil-like hints. apparently the only "twihards" bold enough to hit on him are ICKY GIRLS (and their moms).

he cannot BE around those THINGS WE HAVE. (perish the thought!) so, put on your glitter and go for it twibois (or whatever gay male twilight fans of legal age call themselves)!

now, I don't blame him for maybe feeling uncomfortable at the photoshoot. but, the part of the interview my phone allowed me to read was clearly done at a different time. actually, there was more than one meeting for this tiresome thing.

meanwhile, john mayer decided to show us how racially aware he is by using THE WORD. he's been bawling and squalling ever since. he sowwy. he didn't mean it like that (uh, I read the whole interview... I don't know how else he meant it despite what he babbles).

he acts like he just got the memo that a lot of people don't like THE WORD and do not wish to read it, see it, hear it, or listen to you sniffling it. yeah, that's news.

john, you fucking moron, no one has EVER liked THE WORD. even back in slave days it was a bad word to say. so, you said a word some people who OWNED SLAVES wouldn't say... geez dude, pull your head out of your ass and look around once in a while.

he also invoked the name of david duke. now, I haven't heard about david duke is a good while. I really had forgotten all about him... apparently john mayer hasn't. and david duke is the reason black women are safe from john mayer's stds ... or something like that.

but, back to the word... that was tossed out when they asked him about his "hood pass" (formerly? known as a ghetto pass). o.k., a "hood" and a "ghetto" aren't the same, so??? and he says what people really mean is a "n--- pass". er, no they don't.

hood and ghetto are both PLACES. places and people aren't the same even if people do live in places and places often have people living in them.

but let's just overlook that for a second and wonder why playboy would ask john mayer about his "hood pass". before this interview, did a lot of black people like john mayer?