there's no hope for music...

miley cyrus also met the queen. she was also wearing a red dress. (oh, and wendy williams says lady gaga's dress was leather which seems more plausible, actually.) so, red dress at important events and butterflies in weird places (gaga has been known to "play" a butterfly-covered piano and miley has them all over everything). these seem to be current indicators of acts that aren't going anywhere no matter how many innocent people their cauterwaling deafens. oh, btw, sweet lil miley (as if) "performed" with her hand near her crotch. KLASSY!!

gaga shakes hands, newsactors go nuts

"newsactors" is a term I picked up back in the day when I used to watch a lot of community-access cable. it means the person READING the news is nothing but an ACTOR. people are coming to realize this, but then again, it's becoming very obvious... just look at some of the pretty girls on cnn. they're good at reading and have well-groomed eyebrows (that's a dlisted thing).

but, one of the most IMPORTANT things that happened today (according to the newsactors) is last night or whenever, lady gaga played at some "royal" charity concert.

before doing with this, she shook hands with the queen of england (in a receiving line). oh, and she was wearing a latex formal and had on a bunch of shiny red eyeshadow. if I hear "god save the queen... from gaga! har har har" one more time... hello, she didn't do anything? she would have been tackled to the ground and the footage would've been seized if she had.

well, here's what she didn't have on: a fucking crown. yeah, this old chick elizabeth windsor has one and it's "real" so that means she owns a country or whatever. so there you go.

lady gaga is a freaking pop star. red spandex and eye shadow are absolutely required for her. also, whatever else she is, she's not very scary. except when she "performs" what she calls "music."

to calm my nerves from this regular assault, let me ruminate on a nice musical offering called "god save the queen" by the sex pistols. they mean it, man.

not too creative...

well, I thought it might be this... but, then I thought, "that's too predictable." john phillips made some remark about cass elliot's weight that caused her to run off from her conversation with mick jagger.

also, john phillips and mick jagger seem to have worked together a bunch. they also didn't release a bunch of this, so there you go.

anyway, I am done with the mick jagger angle. which I didn't really mean to get into, but he just kept coming up... but, I guess if you work with someone that'll happen.

13 or 18?

well, I have seen two ages for mackenzie phillips in regard to her encounter with mick jagger. her book says 18, but there are some stories (pre-book, I guess) that say 13. for some reason, I thought she said she was 15 on the howard stern show, but I could be remembering wrong.

however, one thing remains weirdly consistent. mick jagger said to mackenzie, "i've been waiting since you were ten years old for this."

personally, I think it's unlikely he waited eight years, but whatever. maybe he did.

I have a feeling that when it comes to mick jagger (and john phillips, for that matter) my father would have felt his daughters were permanently underage. haha

but then again, when I got locked out of my own room (it was empty, I guess the lock broke) he used a wrecking bar to get into it. this would be after I tried every other way to get into it. he didn't even ruin the door. he was 83 at the time. and in that case the only urgency was that when we finished the mystery of the locked door he could go back to watching television and I could get into my room.

ugh (an update)

boy, am I sick. I feel so horrid...

direct tv just called and woke me up. thank GOD I didn't answer the phone. they always ask for daddy anyway.

I decided to do some research on john phillips. in doing this, I have found out a couple of interesting things that have nothing whatsoever to do with him that I may post about.

but, here is an interesting little story that is about him. back in the day (66 or 67, I think) the mamas and the papas were at a party thrown by dunhill (they were on the dunhill label owned by the dunhill company that makes "luxury cigarettes" ... it's owned by r.j. reynolds, btw) in england. now, i'm imagining that all sorts of celebs of the day are there. or at least mick jagger is there.

so, anyway, john phillips sees cass elliot talking to mick jagger. so, he comes over (as in, it sounds like, crosses the room making directly for them) and makes some remark to/about her that causes her not only to run from the room, but to try to quit the band (contractual obligations brought her back for the next album). I don't know wtf he said (yet, bwahaha), but damn. and there's mick jagger again.

misery for shock value

hln's "showbiz tonight" (the self-proclaimed "most provocative" show) decided to use some celebrity confessions as a basis for a "shocking" show.

now, some of the celebs truly suffered something terrible. whether it happened 100 percent as they now remember (i am not saying they are lying, but this was sustained and extreme abuse so some details may be mixed up with other abuse they endured) whatever the actual details, many of these things are things NO ONE DESERVES EVER.

however, the lifelong behavior of some of these people (all have been famous for decades) show that somewhere along the line something bad happened. in some cases, we even have indications what happened and who did it.

they led off with tapes of michael jackson talking about the abuuse by his asshole father joe jackson. joe jackson is scum and ought to be in jail. period. I don't know if michael would have ever hurt anyone ever if not for joe. because compared to joe, michael was rather gentle. that's not a defense of michael. it is a condemnation of joe.

but, anyone who doesn't believe that joe jackson abuse all (or at least most of his children, i've heard janet was spared... I doubt it, but her abuse may have been less severe because she had several protectors) has not been paying attention.

there is nothing michael could say on those tapes about joe that would surprise me that joe went there. it makes me sick that michael's children have been given to his mother because she didn't protect her own children from joe... why would she protect michael's?

I am not going to repeat exactly what michael said. i'll just point a few words he said. joe had a particular abusive act that he did to michael. michael said "he made it a ritual." now, this is michael jackson only a few years before he died. so he has been mulling this fucked up stuff over for decades.

anyway joe's sick, cruel, pervert self would start beating michael after preparing him in a certain way. as things became more frenzied, katherine would start screaming, "stop it joe! you're going to kill him!" it sounds like before she started screaming, michael had already started to think this may kill him. katharine's screams did not stop joe. they only frightened michael even more. obviously, joe always eventually stopped because michael lived for 50 years. he didn't say how many times he underwent this particular "ritual" and he certainly didn't say that was the only abuse he suffered at the hands of joe. because, of course, it was not.

michael concludes this particular story saying "I hate him." but, I don't think he always felt that way. it would have been easier for him if he had. in fact, michael tells another story where joe regularly lets him know that joe is done with him if he ever stops making money. now, he was a little boy who certainly should not have been responsible for keeping his worthless parents in money.

so, I keep thinking about the christmas tape michael made with his kids (that joe or whoever whored out to the tv shows) where they sing. the kids sing well. I am sure joe is already plotting their music careers.

next shocker, mackenzie phillips, daughter of "papa" john phillips was in an insectuous relationship with her father. people, this chick has been a heroin addict from an extremely young age. she's got clean and gone back many times.

for people who may not know... john phillips is dead. since I said joe jackson belongs in jail, I wanted to clarify why I didn't say the same about j.p.

mackenzie already told us that she started using drugs with her father from a very young age and no one said anything because, hey, it's just "papa john" giving his little girl some smack (or whatever else). she's already said that she, her dad, and mick jagger were doing drugs. her dad left the room and when he came back, the door was closed and she and mick were having sex. so, her dad starts knocking on the door. but, she told the story in a very weird way that made me think she was saying he wanted back into the room, not that he wanted mick to stop fucking his underage daughter. in any case, he knew what happened at some point close in time to the event and mick jagger is still alive so... I never got the idea jp had a problem with him over it.

mackenzie told this story as though that's when she lost her virginity. but, it didn't exactly ring true. I couldn't figure out exactly why because I don't naturally think about insect... so, I am thinking mp was just talking about the first time that wasn't a dark family secret.

from what she says, she came to (she had been using a lot of drugs) having sex with her father. needless to say, this freaked her the fuck out. afterwards, she said something to him about him raping her. he says "we made love." she was a teenager at the time. this is the first time she REMEMBERS. her father may have told her how many times they'd done this before, but he probably started on her much earlier than he said. at any rate, mp very confused then kind of gets into some sort of "consensual" relationship with her and it's all just a really sad mess.

bijou says mackenzie told her about this once. then said it was not true (i don't know how much later) and so when mp said it this time bijou didn't believe her. well, I can certainly understand why bijou wouldn't WANT to believe her. but, I have a feeling, it's not so much she doesn't believe her sister... maybe she just REALLY wanted to believe the lie.

chynna believes mackenzie or, at least, she sticking by her. I get the impression this has something to do with mackenzie that she didn't want to talk about. she says it's really sad. she tried to be as positive as one could possibly be and didn't say anything negative about anyone.

mackenzie's story was surprising because it has some unusual elements to it. but, it's been clear for a long time something is seriously wrong with her. so, it's not surprising that she eventually came out with a horrible story.

ditto with rosie o'donnell. she's just done some weird things here and there that show she's had something bad happen to her early on (shown mostly by very inconsistent behavior). well, she says that she was consistently molested when she was young. her doctor even asked her when she was six if she was "touching" herself. I don't know what she told the doctor, but now she says "it wasn't me." she was pretty vague about the details (which is fine by me). so she may or may not have more to say later.

another thing she said (that they tried to make a huge deal out of) was she called oprah after the columbine shooting. she didn't really know oprah too well, but called her since they both had talk shows. so, she's sobbing to oprah about the need to "do something". she says oprah was nice about it. not really too shocking. they tried to make it sounded as if rosie told some awful secret on oprah. um, this doesn't sound bad?

kathy griffith says her brother was (is?) a pedophile. well, I guess this is shocking as I didn't know she even HAD a brother. I don't recall if this guy is living or dead. they didn't give too much time to this. they were too busy hyping the non-issue with rosie and oprah.

finally, whitney huston tells us SHE AND BOBBY BROWN DID DRUGS TOGETHER!!! OMG!!! hasn't everyone know that for 20 years? I didn't even watch her section. she also claims bobby spit on (or near) her once. this was apparently going to be part of an "abuse" story. I didn't watch it, so who knows.

in what I did see, whitney confessed to using pot and "rock cocaine." er... i'm not exactly a dea agent over here, but isn't "rock cocaine" what some folks call "crack"? didn't whitney herself say she only used expensive drugs as "crack is whack"?

I don't know why I watched any of this. oh yeah, I only have like 10 channels. but, it was a really sad and insensitive show.

my cousin

my father's younger brother died years ago. his wife died several years later. this left my cousin living alone in his parents' house.

this situation is, therfore, quite similar to mine. except he actually OWNED the house because his mother left it to him. so, he didn't have people coming in a day after the funeral announcing, "we're going to sell this house, you know!" and he had just one sibling a few years older than himself instead of three who are much older. and he had a wife. o.k., so his situation was actually much better.

well, the wife wound up leaving him for some reason... probably because people in my family can be a little bit difficult to deal with, but I think she still loved him.

well, anyway, some days went by with her or no one else hearing from him. so, she goes to the house and there's his car. she knocks on the door, but no answer. she probably tried to call and so on, but none of that matters because she wound up having to get the police.

so, the police officer opens the door a crack and tells her to wait outside. he goes in and finds that my cousin had killed himself.

I wish he'd waited just a little longer... his wife was coming back just like he wanted, but even befor I found myself in a similar situation, I could understand why it was hard for him.

this is why I don't understand why people can't be a little nice to me. why they have to say things that would upset ANYONE. this was our cousin. we have been here before.

I miss you, j.

generations

sometimes there are generations with way too many people and then there are ones with not so many, but then there's usually a rebound one that's nearly as big as the one before. the smaller generations are usually called lost generations. except ours who get to be called "x".

right now, I am going to send a great big fuck you to the generation sandwiched in between the wwii and baby boomers. I used to feel we had something in common with them, but everyone of them i've ever met was a resentful asshole against anyone younger than themselves. they could surely see how the boomer assholes we treating us, but instead of being a little kind, they gleefully joined right in... I know your generational icons were killed off as well, but whatever. no empathy in means no empathy out.

we get it, we're alone in this. that's why we have so many cowardly sell outs. guess what, you are still one of us whether you want to be or not. everyone knows it. hope that fronting works out for you though.

then there's the baby boomers who think they are so great. yeah, we KNOW how nasty you can be. I have to get it from my own fucking siblings. if your own family can't behave, well...

yeah, hang on to everything the wwii generation handed you on a silver platter. break my heart.

my parents WERE the wwii generation. but after they died, there wasn't a lot they could do. but, even though my own family won't believe me, I appreciate what they did for me.

also, I kept secrets... I never told daddy about the truth of project paperclip. because why MAKE THE POINT that wwii ws fought for some bullshit reason we haven't been told. because hello, the nazis are here. but, oh lord, back when my brother used to treat my father like total shit he would have said it. if he knew it. who knows if he's caught on yet.

all my childhood pictures are lost. the tapes my mother made for me are lost... were lost before I ever heard them. no one but my own family ever had access to this stuff.

that's mind kontrolle. that's how it works people. tell one generation how great, special, and smart they are. tell them how it's o.k. to hurt people if "you're making a point" or "being honest", tell them other people are "nowhere" and they believe it. forever. my thinking is probably fucked up, too, just in a different way. they let people film lsd trips as children's entertainment back in the day. I never liked that stuff.

maybe because I have been around some asshole who has used the stuff. people talked about all kinds of stuff in front of me when I was a kid because it was really easy to ignore me. I was small.

blogger is being weird

update: this seems to have cleared up... for me anyway...

just fyi.... I got an error message when trying to view comments for one of my posts. I checked their help forum and people are getting it for various reasons... it won't allow anonymous comments, it won't let comments be viewed, problems with mobile access and so on... one person says it's eating his comments, but he has over 4000 comments on one posts, good lawd!

i'm also having to resign in every five minutes. just fyi. :)

my friend is in the hospital

UPDATE: she's out of the hospital. :)

my friend, who has a serious medical condition, is in I.C.U. she is in a tremendous amount of pain. I have been told she is crying and screaming it is so bad. i've never, ever seen her act this way. normally, she grits her teeth and bears it... and I have seen her after major operations.

last I heard, she was not responding to the medication they (finally) gave her. I hope that has changed by now. she may have taken a while to respond to the medicine just because she had been gritting her teeth and trying to bear it for so long.

please pray (or send good thoughts, think of her, whatever you feel comfortable doing) to get better soon. I didn't ask permission to post this, so I am being vague on purpose... but, she really needs some extra people pulling for her right now.

I pray that a good doctor will see what is wrong and help her. I pray that they give her the proper medicine so she can be comfortable and start to heal. I pray when I go to visit she is home and feeling good. :)