celebrity fit club, maybe eventually i'll see it all...

i still haven't seen all of the last episode of celebrity fit club. i did, however, see the last weigh ins...

jay mccarroll lost 40 pounds! dr. ian encouraged him to stick with the program (jay has said he wants some muscles now, haha) which will be a lot easier with all the prizes he won! jay beat his nearest competition, kfed, to win the individual weight loss challenge. he got a gym membership, some nice exercise equipment, a nice watch, some guitars, and $20,000. so, i am really happy for him.

but, kfed did not go unrewarded! his team (the blue team) were the team winners and the prizes they got included most of the things jay got as well as a few more items including a nice trip. they got $70,000... i don't know if that was apiece or if it was to be split four ways. the members of the blue team are caycee, sebastian, tanisha, and kfed. (red team members: shar, nicole, bobby, and jay). there was some confetti dropped so sebastian and tanisha held hands and danced around under it. haha well, tanisha kind of hopped. she hurt her leg the previous episode.

i am a little irritated at bobby... he is making me side with whitney huston and i don't appreciate that. bobby was a huge, huge baby the whole time except for a few shining instances where he was pretty nice. i don't know if it's the fact that bobby's definition of "sobrity" is a little different than most people's (he regularly drinks, often to excess) or what, but he pouts up in a hurry.

he made a bet with dr. ian that he'd donate $1,000 to charity for every pound under his goal that he was. his goal was 20 pounds for the season. bobby lost 11 pounds. in fact, this week he actually gained a pound. so, he had to write a check for $9,000. he did sign a check and leave it, then stomped out muttering "kiss my ass." so everyone had to go out and convince him to come back inside. after he did, dr. ian said bobby can have 60 more days to lose the nine pounds and dr. ian will just hold the check (which wasn't made out in any case) to see what happens.

so, i guess bobby doesn't have $9,000? um... i find that a little improbable. for one thing, they are paid to be on this show. for another thing, if bobby had been so concerned about the money, he could've worked a lot harder to lose weight or just not made the bet in the first place. sure, it was dr. ian's idea, but bobby could have just said he didn't want to bet on that or offered an alternative of some sort. also, dr. ian only came up with that idea to motivate bobby because bobby was not following the diet at all. i think bobby just wanted to be on a television show and was all pouty and so on that the show expected him to actually DO something.

for one solid week harvey tried to call bobby because bobby had asked him to help him workout. harvey said he called "all three numbers" and the only person he talked to was bobby's daughter. bobby tried to blame the fact he hadn't talked to harvey on his DAUGHTER saying "she didn't tell me", but harvey said he heard bobby in the background. so, bobby had to admit that he had been there. he didn't really have any particular reason for not getting on the phone, but it's pretty obvious he didn't really want to work out or do anything else. i don't know why he specifically asked harvey to call him to arrange these workouts, but i guess that's the sort of thing he does.

other people who have been on the show that have taken harvey up on his offer have found it is very helpful and it really helped them with their workouts and success on the show. the season ross was on there, he worked with harvey and i am pretty sure he won the individual competition (unless that was the year maureen was on there). he lost a lot of weight in any case.

shar did really well on the show. the therapist lady on the show talked to shar and kevin a lot (separately) and kevin decided to apologize on the show to shar. i haven't seen his apology, but shar said it was the best moment for her. surprisingly, kevin said it was the best moment for him, too. he said it was really helpful and he thought "it helped shar, too." so, that says a lot about how difficult things must have been ... it's kind of surprising they have worked things out as well as they have. i guess that goes to show people can work things out (with custody and visitation) if they put their children first.

the thing about this show is dr. ian, robin, and harvey are so much more fair when it comes to the competitors. they seem much more able to put aside their personal feelings, especially harvey. (note, i haven't seen every season or every episode of cfc) then i look at celebrity rehab and sober house where supposedly it's (dramatic pause) life or death. yet, OBVIOUS favoritism is shown. some staff members are moody and/or passive aggressive. some people are continually treated as more important than other people. i don't know... the difference in the two shows are pretty shocking, but it shows a much better way of treating people. i'm sure having been in the marines harvey has seen it all by now, but he still views the celebrities as individuals. he scolds them when they need it and compliments them when they deserve it. it seems to work much better than what craziness i see on celebrity rehab where they will let one or two nutcases piss them off at everyone constantly. i'm sure everyone can think of a million ridiculous things from the dr. drew show. i have stopped watching it... i wonder how many people that show has turned off of rehab. to me, it's just proven that sort of rehab doesn't halfway work.

dr. drew, wth?

so, dr. drew decides to have a chat with heidi about how tom's derailing her recovery. oh, i'm sorry, IF tom's derailing her recovery (eyeroll).

so, heidi tries to say that seeing tom was... well, not so good... but, that's her past, he beat her up and she cannot go back to that. so, unaware that TOM SIZEMORE IS THE BIGGEST STAR EVAH, i'm figuring heidi's given the right answer.

even if to hadn't beaten heidi in the past, currently he is showing no real progress on beating this meth addiction. he is someone heidi has done drugs with in the past, so if they spent much time together, they'd probably fall into all of their old habits and then some.

the odd thing is, dr. drew seems to be encouraging heidi to be nostalgic for her relationship (i think he said love and friendship) with tom. he also seems to want to steer this conversation that's supposed to be about her into it being all about poor old (biggest star ever) tom. I don't get it...

sure, heidi needs to befriend someone other than her parrots. but, there are many people in the world other than tom sizemore. heck, there are better choices among the rehabbers... so, why tom?

meanwhile, tom works on more of jeff conaway's old (annoying) material. even to having his girlfriend arrive and tom suddenly declare they were leaving. since tom is a better actor than jeff, he caught dr. drew totally by surprise.

meanwhile, i'm wondering about tom and monroe. dr. drew talking about thwarting her "mission" when she came by at midnight to "visit" tom (they asked for a pee test, she refused). er... why would anyone be getting midnight visitors? aren't they supposed to be asleep then? posted visitor's hours?

I dunno... it was a weird episode.

kari anne, cigarette conneseuir

I didn't see much of celebrity rehab, but I did see the final act (i'm sure this was a whole episode "storyline") of the great cigarette tantrum of 2009/2010.

mackenzie took offense on behalf of the staff that kari anne called them "idiots" for not being able to get her favorite brand in the regular length, hard pack. which they did eventually do and she did refuse to believe it until forced to look at them. goofball.

having worked smoker's checkout, I can say all of us non-smokers are lacking some savvy when it comes to smokers' exacting standards. because we have the idea that one over-priced cancer stick is as good as another.

and then there's kari anne's personality... yep, she's a charmer. i'm surprised someone didn't drive a pack in from north carolina for that sweet girl. (I didn't see what brand she likes so i'm playing the odds.)

but, all this is a distraction to what i'm really wondering.. HOW THE FUCK did this dead average, prematurely dried up junior harpy become miss teen usa? come on, that's not even slightly believable.

hilariously, dennis rodman was indicating non-verbally (more of his hand motions) that he'd heard enough nonsense. if this is how kari anne is doing with zen dennis (haha), she's going to be annoying.

perhaps realizing kari's camerawhore ways were going to cut into his starring role, tom sizemore drama'd off. I bet anything, he found out his lady friend wasn't going to be sharing a room with him.

no tom, your roomie's name is on the plaque by the door. well, unless tom makes good on his threat to jeff conaway on out of there.

heidi fleiss, quietly detoxing

I have to admit, heidi has become one of my favorite celebrity rehabbers. I don't know if she's got a chance of getting sober, but I hope so.

now, I think if you just have stupid emo drama going on... heidi's just going to laugh. but then again, she might make you laugh as well. but, if you have dire life or death stuff going on, she's not afraid to help you out.

when mindy had her seizure, heidi ran into the room when everyone else was running out. if will hadn't trotted in, I think she was prepared to try to help mindy.

then there are the parrots... now, unlike a lot of people at c.r., I think heidi is a parrot person. I don't know that anyone wants to suddenly get as many as she did, but the ideal situation wouldn't be to get rid of them (she likes them, i'm not a parrot person so I wouldn't... but she does). it would be for someone to help her with them. if she gets off drugs, maybe she will make a few friends that can help her out.

then, there was the sweet way she helped tom out... which he really appreciated. probably tom loves heidi, but tom has a long way to go before he could be serious with anyone. let alone heidi given their history.

so, I wonder... wtf happened to put heidi into the positions she's been in? I don't think we're ever going to hear her story except a sentence here or there. like when she was talking about the women who "trained" her.

unlike most everyone there, heidi doesn't have to have all the attention. when it's her turn, she's not shy. but, she doesn't have the need to be SEEN (always!) that some others do.

good luck, heidi. :)

what really happened to mackenzie?

I just watched the car smashing episode of "celebrity rehab". they've been mispromoting it as usual to make it look as if joey (from the real world, I haven't watched that it years so I don't really know him... but dennis rodman did) just started smashing up someone's car. it's at a junkyard.
they got their choice of smashing implements, then there were the best looking two cars at the junkyard (supposedly, these cars looked pretty good to me... is there such thing as a rich people's junkyard?), a couple of monitors, and a couple of tvs (these last items looked legitimately old, as 70-80s tvs). plus various smashing implements from sledge hammers to dishes.

so, some doctor outlines the exercise which is basically smash the hell out of stuff, yelling if possible about whatever you're mad about. mackenzie practically leapt out of her seat to go first.

at this point, mackenzie is bound by her publisher not to say anything about the revelations that are in her (then unreleased) book. so, pre-smashing she manages to politely say she's angry at "a family member who passed away" because she was "exposed to adult experiences" as a child.

then she gives the well-known example of being injected with cocaine as a teen by her dad. this caused cocaine addict joey to visibly flinch. so, I guess it's new info to some people or maybe it's just different sitting a few feet from her when she says it.

so, mackenzie starts off her smashing by yelling about "bastards who hurt children" then later smashes a tv. the doctor asks, "who is it?" mackenzie pauses to say, "my dad" before yelling at "why couldn't you say you were sorry?" oh, mackenzie.

in the course of all of this mackenzie says something that is almost word for word what cisco wheeler said in a (rare) interview with a radio station in canada. it gave me chills... because cisco wheeler is... wow, where to start?

cisco coauthored two books with fritz springmeier. he is a conspiracy writer (who does really excellent research and is a good writer) about her experiences with things most people don't know about. these books were self published and are now freely available online.

cisco was born in 1946. she is a descendent of ulysess s. grant and her grandfather was a general as well. her father was a pentcostal minister, but he did not believe anything he preached. this position he deliberately attained as part of a plan. his family had the wealth and connections to have made something else available to him had that been in their best interest. also, he did another job involving behavior modification. his life had been planned, so was cisco's.

from birth, she and her father lived in a room within their house. despite being born prematurely, she had little contact with her mother. her father cared for her and spent all of his time with her (remember, he did not really need money).

one of her first traumas was to be separated from her father, but that wasn't THE trauma. THE trauma was that he raped her. she was severely injured physically, but that isn't as bad as what happened to her mind. again, this was by design.

cisco lived the next 40 years in a mix of trauma, torture and odd gentleness. she had little contact with people outside her family and possibly no contact with people not approved by them. she did not even know how to go to the grocery store.

she woke up in the morning and was told what to do. when she was done, she went back to bed. she was past the age of 40 before she realized her true age. she believed she was 17. she believed this so strongly, she saw her 17 y.o. self in the mirror. some of this was probably due to the fact she was learning to do her father's job (not the pentcostal one).

then, her father died. this is when cisco realized something was very, very wrong. she wanted to die, too. not from normal grief, but because it had been heavily ingrained within her since he wasn't just her father. he was her master.

cisco's family practiced rituals and abuse was part of it. some of the abuse was to compel silence. even though cisco have written about what they did to HER, I don't know if she's really told all their secrets. she wrote because she wasn't the only victim and she wanted to help others.

the torture she endured is known as sra (satanic* ritual abuse). *it doesn't have to be satanic... most practitioners wouldn't use this term. it's specific and planned and fucks people up a lot. some of the abusers believe they are "helping" the people they abuse by "training" them. this predates mkultra by a lot.

but one person who was involved in both was dr. green. there are at least three doctor greens (that cisco knows of, her info only goes to about 1980). but she met THE dr. green and he played the daisy game with her.

so, I am really hoping it's just a coincidence what mackenzie said. if it's not, she needs to have someone look at cisco's books for her because they have advice for recovery (it's not something victims of this specific thing should read themselves) from SPECIFICALLY that sort of thing.

also, until she had done significant recovery cisco felt sorry for children who hadn't been raped by their fathers. she was convinced that he did it because he loved her. she even cried (something she rarely did) for the poor, unloved children. so, before this, she would have said her incestous relationship with her father was "consensual." fortunately, cisco is now able to see how wrong this is... it's really so sad. but, her father wouldn't have apologized either because he had the same fucked up thinking as she did.

another thing that worries me about mackenzie is she really broke down after her father died. I am not sure if it was as bad as what cisco went through... hopefully not.

now, I KNOW what it is to lose a parent, but it doesn't make you want to literally climb into the coffin with them. it really doesn't if you have a normal relationship. it's very sad, but it's not like that.